I am gonna get real with y’all for a sec…
After the accident that took Ethan from me, I discovered that if I put makeup on each morning, I could get through my day. If I put clothes on that weren’t spandex yoga pants, I felt more confident. I did this most every single day for nearly 8 years now. Makeup became my shield; if I wore makeup, I couldn’t cry for fear of messing it up. If I wore makeup, it made the world think I was “okay”. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE makeup and wearing it everyday, it excites me and makes me feel good. I am not going to quit wearing it all together, but Ben made me look at myself in a different light today.
Yesterday, I was putting on my makeup when Ben (My oldest, on earth, walked in). This is how our conversation went:
Ben-“Mom, why do you wear makeup?”
(I’m putting on my foundation)
Me-“Because I like it”
Ben-“Look at it, it’s not even your real skin color. It’s like a mask. You don’t need to wear a mask”
Me-“Well, I like to feel pretty.”
Ben-“I think you are more pretty without makeup. You are beautiful and you don’t need that stuff.”
Me- Brb, heart is melting….
TV and the media make women feel like they need to look a certain way for someone to find them “beautiful”, there’s a type that you have to be in order for people to find you attractive. Everyone buys into this, but the only people who DON’T, are kids. Young, loving, sweet, & innocent children can see ghosts and don’t have any concept of the media’s definition of “beauty”. Ben demonstrated that yesterday when he was open and honest with me.
Normally, I don’t take pictures without makeup and post them. Today, I took a selfie of myself (without wearing makeup) and I was shocked. I really looked at it, I studied it. I was taken aback with what my eyes were seeing. I actually thought I was PRETTY in this picture; my heart smiled. This was the first picture in a very very very long time, without makeup, that I felt like I was beautiful. It could be Ben’s words echoing in my head that made me feel this way, but his words gave me new vision. His truthful, unbiased, no agenda words, made me feel on top of the world. Ben gave me the rose colored glasses that I needed about myself.
I am definitely not going to stop wearing makeup everyday (because I honestly love it), but this epiphany gave me the courage to know that I am beautiful with OR without makeup. You know what else? So are YOU. You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are deserving of love. You are GORGEOUS. Don’t worry about what society says that you have to be in order to be seen as “Beautiful”. You are more beautiful than society can handle. In order for other people to love you, you have to love yourself first.